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Cashmas: The New Secular Sale-a-Bration

by Paul on December 12th, 2007

Cashmas. This holiday would pretty much take over where our current commercialized version of Christmas leaves off. People are always complaining about commercialization, but it’s not like they want to spend the 25th of December kneeling in a Buddhist convent or indulging in autoflagellation.

They want CASH MONEY! So why not just admit we’ve always idolized the almighty dollar? All that time on our knees in church or bashing our heads on a prayer rug—we weren’t all praying for world peace or asking the Lord to end word hunger.

Come on now, in your heart of hearts, weren’t you just begging the Big Guy to make you rich, rich, rich! Gimme the bling, Big Diddy in the sky! So this year for Cashmas, get down on your knees and worship money and all that comes with it. We’re not worthy, we’re not worthy! Hang fake bills on your 24 carat Cashmas tree, put a life size plastic Snoop Dogg on your roof, and bow down and worship Bill Gates like the rich baal-bastard he is.

Don’t forget to dedicate your Day of the Rich altar to the tax-evading capitalist avatar of your choice. And don’t give a red nickel to the poor! Let ‘em cadge chump change and score their own damned holiday spirit.

Santa buck image from here.

Dolla Dolla image from here.

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POSTED IN: Holiday Darkness, TNT, humor