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Starked SF, Unforgiving News from the Bay

Archive for the ‘TNT’ Category

June 15th, 2008

StarkedSF Fake News Roundup

In response to those alleging that I’ve lost my sense of humor . . . . well, uh, . . . here’s some of StarkedSF’s most upbeat fake news items, to be found in their entirety in the TNT category.

Satan Joins Wilson Sonsini as Junior Partner
AOL marketing teams up with Jehovah’s Witnesses
Hijackers Brutally Beaten on […]

By Paul -- 0 comments

April 8th, 2008

TNT Report: S.F. Protesters Carry Olympic Douche to Beijing

Just a day after protesters climbed 150 feet up the Golden Gate Bridge to protest China’s hosting of the Olympics, another group has set out to visit China bearing what they call “the Olympic Douche.”
Ignatius Reilly, a spokesman for a group known as Frotters for a Free Tibet, said he and several comrades are using […]

By Paul -- 0 comments

March 30th, 2008

TNT Report: Disney Hires Bush to Consult on Genocide Comedies

Shortly after President Bush described the maelstrom of violence in Iraq as a “defining moment in the history of a free Iraq,” The Walt Disney Company announced plans to hire the president as a consultant on a series of quasi-historical animated features.
Disney’s uplifting interpretations of history include creating a happy ending for the cruelly abused […]

By Paul -- 0 comments

March 19th, 2008

Spoof Roundup: TNT Items

Lately it’s been hard to put together TNT (Tomorrow’s News Today) news satires, simply because much of the real news has been so skewed that it essentially comes pre-mocked.
So there’s no time like the present for a retrospective of my fake news items from the past, such as:

Detroit Passengers Brutalize Hijackers.

Satan Joins Wilson Sonsini as […]

By Paul -- 0 comments

February 23rd, 2008

McCain Repudiates Penis, Reveals Celebrity Castrati Membership

In a shocking revelation designed to quash allegations of a romantic involvement with lobbyist Vicki Iseman, presidential hopeful John McCain disclosed that he had his penis surgically removed at the onset of the campaign.
McCain joins many other celebrities and public figures who decided that it’s better to undergo castration rather than risk problems with allegations […]

By Paul -- 3 comments

January 31st, 2008

Top Al Qaeda Leader Killed in Exploding Penis Enlarger Incident

Notorious Al Qaeda goon Abu Laith al-Libi (”just call me Al”) has been terminated with extreme prejudice by a CIA team.
Rumor has it that both American agencies and terrorist groups have been seeking to execute al-Libi after he failed to kill vice president Dick Cheney in a bombing last year at Bagram Air Base.
Official details […]

By Paul -- 0 comments

January 31st, 2008

Fed Cuts Rates, Offers Cash Beer Money

When the Federal Reserve Bank decided to add liquidity to funds markets for the second time in a week, it took a bold step forward to include John Q. Public as well as Wall Street in plans to make capital available to those who need it most.
In addition to the cut in the federal funds […]

By Paul -- 0 comments

January 16th, 2008

Hillary, Barack to Star in Special Edition of Survivor

Get ready for Survivor: Election 2008, the new presidential election-themed Survivor show soon to hit the screen soon.
Encouraged by recent jousting between candidates Obama and Clinton, producers decided to capitalize on the ferocity of the political hopefuls in a shocking new show. The duration of the series will depend on who wins–and how.
Obama and […]

By Paul -- 0 comments

January 13th, 2008

TestikalNacht: Governator To Take First Born, Left Nuts In Deficit Battle

As part of his aggressive plan of action to mitigate California’s multi-billion dollar budget deficit, Governor Schwarzenegger is using the National Guard to seize first born children and remove the left testicle of adult men and post-operative male transsexuals.
Schwarzenegger told the press that new problems call for bold solutions, and that he is responding to […]

By Paul -- 1 comment

January 4th, 2008

Part IV: D.C. Race Riots Turn Ugly as Senator Ted Stevens Dons Assless Chaps at Remingtons

Continued from Part III.
The terrifying white riots continue in the nation’s capital, where the electorate continues to endure violent debauchery some have compared to The Terror following the French Revolution.
Even as Senator Frist’s banjo version of Stairway to Heaven calmed the rioters in one location, ghastly governmental debauchery ruled the day–or rather early morning–in a […]

By Paul -- 0 comments

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