Feds Gag on Energy Drinks
Attorney generals from dozens of states are asking the feds to take a closer look at the marketing of energy drinks containing caffeine, alcohol, and a whole bunch of other stuff nobody’s ever heard of.
Here’s a few we think might be worthy of a closer look:
- Croke-a-Cola: Marketed under the Dr. Kevorkian brand as the last drink you’ll ever need. May not be as invigorating as some other cola beverages.
- Rockstar Rufi Juiced: Several of Donald Trump’s nubile former wifes claim they fell victim to matrimony while under the influence of this Rufinol-laced bang-energy drink
- Red Stool: Volatile combination of caffeine, bull chunks, and some stuff that smells like Karl Rove’s underwear.
- P-Hilton Honey Milk Facial Blast: Consumers complain that initial enthusiasm is followed by depressing feeling of being industriously violated in front of millions of YouTube viewers.
- BuzzMonkeyBalls: May violate Endangered Species Act. Some consumers complain of growing mustache like the one Eva Longoria has to shave three times a day
- MJ-Spray: Packaged like a juice box, this fruity malt liquor packs the dance floor punch promised by sponsor Michael Jackson. However, some users complain of skin discoloration, thoughts of joining the priesthood, or obsession with the idea of a scratch ‘n’ sniff Gymboree catalog.
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