Marriage: Towards New Forms of Punishment
As previously mentioned, the recent dissolution of my marriage after almost nineteen years left me with a variety of thoughts on the hoary institution.
There’s nothing quite like being flushed down the relationship toilet after almost two decades of loyal servitude, but why focus on the negative? Instead, why not look to the future and explore some ways to modernize the marriage indenture?
After all, the institution is rooted in a Christian tradition that’s millennia old, so it’s way overdue for updating. I mean really, if you experience a heart palpitation or tear a ligament, is the Old Testament the first place you’re going to look for help?
Here are some suggestions for a more reasonable marital union than the decrepit institution we now use:
The contract marriage: Like any form of employment, marriage can’t be considered permanent anymore. How about a system where you sign up for a set period of time and conditions? You could do straight month-to-month, or any kind of more complex arrangement, like one-year intervals with infidelity limited to once incident per partner.
Phase of Life Marriage: Partners agree to marry for a functional period of adult life, like the wild years before having kids, the intense parenting years, or the post-kids-spend-all-the-money-before-you-get-old-and-die-in-a-home period.
Dartboard Marriage: instead of relying on an ineffectual internet dating services with the accuracy of a Chalcidic astrologer, accept the randomness of life and choose a mate from your state’s Random Partner Pool. Like the Wall Street Journal’s dartboard portfolio, choosing a spouse through sheer luck might beat the analytic approach.
Public domain image from the Newgate Calendar: Hannah Dagoe resists execution.
5 opinions for Marriage: Towards New Forms of Punishment
The Toronto Traveler
May 15, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Hey, that dartboard portfolio often performs better than many of the experts, so it’s not as crazy as it sounds, lol.
Alex-Sirened
May 19, 2008 at 12:44 pm
One thing that’s cool about fundamentalist Muslim countries-if a woman wrongs her man she gets stoned!
Jon - The DC Traveler
May 19, 2008 at 6:44 pm
One more….The Opportunistic Marriage - A really famous, really old rich guy gets a young piece of arm candy (even though the little blue pill won’t help him), while the struggling “model or “actress” gets some free PR. Lasts until he dies and his family files suit against the Will.
Around the Internets: Thursday, May 22nd
May 22, 2008 at 6:37 am
[…] What’s wrong with marriage these days and what are some potential solutions? […]
Geoff
May 22, 2008 at 7:54 am
Alex - you do realise they mean throwing stones at the woman, not lighting up a joint don’t you? You’ve clearly adapted to Amsterdam :-)
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