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McCain Repudiates Penis, Reveals Celebrity Castrati Membership

by Paul on February 23rd, 2008

In a shocking revelation designed to quash allegations of a romantic involvement with lobbyist Vicki Iseman, presidential hopeful John McCain disclosed that he had his penis surgically removed at the onset of the campaign.

McCain joins many other celebrities and public figures who decided that it’s better to undergo castration rather than risk problems with allegations of affairs or sexual harassment.

The ranks of celebrity castrati include Herve Villechaize, Mr. Ed, and Simon Cowell.

Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe has gone on record to say the procedure has been greatly imporved.

“It was like the dark ages back when the Mickey Mouse Club had to deal with this,” said Radcliffe. “I heard they practically spayed Annette Funicello right on the set. Nowadays, nothing is irrevocable. I could have it undone if conditions change, like if I get the right role.”

A source close to the McCain campaign said the senator auctioned the organ off on eBay and donated the proceeds to an unnamed charity. While it remains unknown how much the auction brought in, the source said the organ–listed as used but guaranteed against DOA–was purchased by beleaguered senator Larry Craig, who exercised the Buy It Now function.

Unconfirmed rumors allege that Craig used the penis in a highly-publicized sexual advance in a public restroom, a strategy purported to prevent recognition of a culprit’s organ in a lineup.

Image from Public-domain-Photos.com.

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POSTED IN: McCain, TNT