Mother’s Day = Divorced Dad’s Day a/k/a Triple D
Why don’t we have holidays for the divorced spouses, the ones who got flushed?
Because history is written by the winners, baby!
Seriously now, it’s a common misconception that Mother’s Day is the holiday most hated by fathers. But I wouldn’t be surprised if a hell of a lot of dads joined me in hating Father’s Day even more.
After all, it’s a total joke–the Father’s Day holiday is designed to create a stage where everybody else in the family can act like they give a shi* about the old bastard for eight hours and then go back to looking forward to collecting on his life insurance.
Now that Mother’s Day is no longer on my calendar, I’m breathing a sigh of relief and taking back the day as Divorced Dad’s Day, or Triple D. I’d rather have my kids around, but since Black Widow Day makes that impossible, I’ll take the day as an opportunity to do whatever the hell I please.
Since it happens on a Sunday, there are a lot things I won’t do, since I can’t afford to wake up in jail Monday.
But I will have time to reflect on a lot of cheerful realities that I wouldn’t have had time to contemplate on the the last eighteen Mother’s Days:
- I didn’t spend yesterday inspecting testicle-shriveling Hallmark cards.
- I won’t spend any of today having to pretend I like anyone.
- If anyone asks me what I’m thinking today, I’m going to tell them and watch them crap their pants.
- While it wouldn’t be a good idea to go out and get Dogtown hammered on a Sunday night . . . . a little nip now in the morning couldn’t do any harm.
- The driving range is fu**ing empty! Which is a good thing, since I woke up on it.
- My mother is dead, and I’m divorced. I can live again.
Image with permission of dreamstime.com.
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POSTED IN: Mother's Day
3 opinions for Mother’s Day = Divorced Dad’s Day a/k/a Triple D
Lauren
May 12, 2008 at 5:32 am
Ouch! That’s some serious cynicism!
sherry
May 13, 2008 at 7:47 am
I’m a mother and this STILL made me giggle. But come on, tell us how you really feel! :)
Alex-Sirened
May 13, 2008 at 9:15 am
I didn’t know you had kids Paul.
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