The Depth of Summer: A Voyage of Ill Discovery
As I threatened, I’m now going to do what I used to harp on Chron columnist Jon Carroll for doing: writing a bumbling, discursive narrative combining elements of personal experience and observations about life in general.
July kicked off with a delightful opportunity for self-discovery. My teaching gig ended with a pink slip, while my ex-wife went to Hawaii with my daughters.
Being dumped by my wife after nineteen years went most cheerfully with the information that I was equally disposable to the state of California’s educational system. So basically I’m perched on the brink of disaster. I’m paid through next month, but I don’t have two nickels to knock together other than that and no particular prospects for unemployment.
On the cheery side, I have plenty of time to reflect. Which is actually pretty terrifying. After my job ended in mid-June, I had to go to work on a bunch of freelance writing, and I didn’t have any time to dwell on anything. Then all of a sudden my kids are gone and I’ve got nothing but time.
Being a father was pretty much the sole point of my existence for the last fifteen years, and that role got slashed in half like a Walmart sale price. It’s easy to intellectualize. My kids are in high school and will be leaving home sooner or later anyway. And while getting discarded by your spouse and your employer is no fun, it does open a whole world of opportunity and freedom.
I was thinking about all this when I saw the lady pictured above at the fair. Here’s somebody who’s faced some challenges and didn’t let it get to her. So what the hell’s my problem?
In fact, I’ve never had this much freedom in my life. But to do what? Well, that’s where it gets scary, so I put together a little list of rules for divorced dads. Those so defined can feel free to add or subtract.
- Resist self-pity at all costs
- Same goes for bitterness
- No indirect suicide–booze, walking in front of a bus, taking up alligator wrestling as a hobby
- No religious cop outs
- No joining candy ass support groups
- No crying
- No more than one episode of The Shield per day
As you can see, this list is like the ten commandments: it just tells you what not to do. So what do you do? Bear with me, I’m working on it.
Photo courtesy of me.
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1 opinion for The Depth of Summer: A Voyage of Ill Discovery
berick
Jul 11, 2008 at 12:16 pm
“Candy-ass support groups” is a fine line for dismissal, but not always smart. As one who has been where you are, I discovered later that the right support group can help.
Editor’s note:
I’m sure you’ll be amused by the wedding scene photo in the ad Google stuck into that page. God damn it!
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