TNT Report: Pentagon Touts Armed Scooters for Surge
After noting that supply chain lapses are making four-wheeled armored vehicles hard to come by, the pentagon revealed a new armored scooter that it expects to win the war in Iraq.
A pentagon spokestool explained that the new 7,200 pound scooters represent the latest in armorment specifically designed to ensure U.S. triumph against terrorists in Iraq.
Additional supply chain issues dictated a cutting-edge pedal-activated drivetrain for the scooters.
In recently conducted tests, insurgent groups were easily machine gunned to death after they fell to the ground laughing at kevlar-armored Vespas hurtling towards them at full speed of 4.7 miles per hour.
In addition to providing tactical superiority, the new Halliburton-designed scooters are also a profit center for the new Army.
Some delays in delivery are anticipated, since a long waiting list of insurgent suicide bombers and other Halliburton shareholders have been given priority to receive the back orderded assault mopeds.
Image from here.
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